Touching God and Experiencing Transformation

Pastor Pauline Ding

I am a fourth generation Christian so I grew up in church. Even so I went through so many inner struggles. 

I will want to talk about a passage that is so common to all of us, what we go through.

I am not going to be talking about the work in Teluk Kumbar. The last few days I have been on fire, like having a fever and I have been praying for rain so thank God for rain. I was so happy. The last time it rained I remembered the date, 16 February at the end of my 40 day fasting. I was so happy and praising God that I cannot sleep. It was like a confirmation. God can touch us in a special way and we can experience him personally. 

1 Chronicles 4:9-10

Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez, saying, “I gave birth to him in pain.” 10 Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.” And God granted his request.

Jabez actually means pain. Imagine being given a name called pain, pain in the neck. These two verses was just talking about this person but they are very striking words. A person born named pain and someone reaching out to God. He didn't want to be pain, he wanted to be a blessing and he got his request. 

How many of us think about our beginning? Maybe you are born in a different situation. I used to work with street people like alcoholics and drug addicts. They were in a very bad situation. 

Ephesians 3:14-15

A Prayer for the Ephesians

14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name.

All of us has been given our name and our family by our heavenly God. Whether you are a Tan, Lee, Khoo, you are placed there. I am from the Ding family. Ding Dong Dang (laughs). 

You may have a wish not to be born into your family. Like I had a boyfriend once and I wish I was born into his family. They were so nice. Ya, I had many boyfriends before (laughs). 

Your name is very important. My name is Pauline and I thought of changing my name. But my name is given by my father and it's in my IC. We have to learn to accept our name. Jabez came to accept that and called out to the creator God. Elohim, the originator. God is Jehovah, the great I Am. He is I Am to every situation of ours. He is your healer. He is your provider. He is your deliverer. He is I Am... and you fill in the blanks. 

There was one point in my life as I look at my family history I experienced rejection. My sister and my brother before me had problem before me and I am the third child and I felt unwanted. As a child I was very insecure. Always a cry baby. Always crying crying crying. Always looking for attention. And always thinking what's wrong with me. My parent was always fighting and didn't give attention to their children. My father was traditional, cannot talk so I was always feeling afraid. 

I became very insecure and soon became inferior. I came to a point I accepted myself as a born loser. I was also a jinx. My father, he called me Jonah. He said if I go into a boat it'll sink. I was so clumsy those days. I even fell off a fridge.  And I was involved in boys stuff. I have a black belt in martial arts. I was tough. I do all the stuff a boy do. I also felt like I am a jinx. 

I wanted to end my life at sixteen. As I was going to do it God spoke to my heart. Committing suicide is sin. So I stopped in my tracks and thought if it's sin I will end up in hell. So I didn't want that. 

At this point I cried out to God. To live on in this miserable life, just like Jabez. And the next year I was baptised in the Holy Spirit and I came to know him as my Lord. I found my reason for living, to serve and follow the Lord. Our journey with God is a 100% commitment to God. Jesus went all the way to the cross. He didn't stop half way. There is no halfway. 

When we don't do 100% we will continue to struggle. I have seen it in my life many many times. 

I forgot my title for this message (laughs). It's called "Touching God and Experiencing Transformation".

Too many times I hear people say the church is full of hypocrites. What is that? Not doing what God wants you to do. We need to be transformed by him. That is my life story. 

In Jabez case it is not just the daily things but to go back to the beginning. To accept who you are from the beginning where you are born. God can help you through inner healing even right from the beginning of your problem. Just like Jabez. Calling out to the creator God. 

Because of lack of love I had an orphan spirit. 

There was once when I was maybe 20 or 21 years old. My brother would write to my parents abd sign off your loving son. Aiyeeer. And I found I could never sign like this. I was once in Singapore and I couldn't sign like that because it would not be true. I was a "touch-me-not". Don't hug me. It was something alien to me. I didn't know how to love or to receive love. 

I went through a time of healing. An American preacher came and I asked him to hug and prayed with me like a father. After that when I wrote a letter I could sign already. Your loving daughter. I went through that to forgive my parents to change myself. If we don't change we will carry it though our whole life. I would still be a touch-me-not. 

In our childhood if we do not resolve our problems we will carry it till we are adults. 

I was told by my mother that if a frog urine touch my skin it would become very rough. I would be afraid of frogs. It became a phobia. I was cleaning the garden and held a can to throw and realised inside was a big toad. I was laughing that I was carrying a frog all this whole time and I was laughing and crying and running all over. When they asked me and realised it was just a frog they laughed and left me. I was exhausted by that but after that I felt insecure but the Holy Spirit told me to go to the chapel and pray. 

I prayed for God to close the door of insecurity and to renounce the fear of the frog and after that I no longer afraid of the frog. In Gertak Sanggul there are lots of frogs and I can call them hello Prince Charming. No longer afraid. 

Some people say they are afraid of height or afraid of water because you nearly drowned. We need to come and face them and not leave it unresolved. So this prayer in the second verse, look at the content of the prayer. 

1Chronicles 4:10

Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.” And God granted his request.

We need to depend on the Holy Spirit. All who are led by the Holy Spirit is the sons of God. We acknowledge the source of who we are. Our father in heaven. Relate to him and something good is happening. Being a Christian is not just to come and hear. Some even come to sleep. A Christian is a Christian all the time. Not only when we go to church. 

I have seen people especially businessmen where in church they can be so holy but out there so terrible. We need to relate to our Heavenly Father to experience his transformation. 

As we behold him he will change us from glory to glory. The word of God and the Holy Spirit will transform us. To love our enemies? The word says to do it but the Holy Spirit enables us to do it. 

I was a born loser. I was a jinx. I was a fearful person. But today I am as bold as a lion. "Roar". I am changed. 

I struggled with this in-confidence even into my late twenties and God has to take me through an experience to break through this. 

In 2007 God asked me to start a prayer group up in the highlands. What am I going to do? So many people coming. I was crying inside the prayer room. I had this lingering problem and I cried up to him. He had to force me until a breakthrough happened. 

I went to China for training and I was the only one who stayed back for Sunday service as all had left on Saturday. I didn't know how to speak in Mandarin but the pastor at the airport prophesied that by the end of that week I will speak in Mandarin. I have not spoken that language for more than 10 years! 

So I told the pastor whether he dare to let me share my testimonies in church. I think I spent 40 minutes. There was only one interpreter and I was under pressure and I shared my testimony by writing in romanised Mandarin. I became a changed person after that. 

I came back and told my friends I shared my testimony in Mandarin and my friends laughed their heads off. Because I haven't spoken that language for so long. I had a breakthrough. Our life must be like that. Letting God change us. We cannot continue to accept what our environment make us. When we know our God, we can do exploits in God. That's what pastor prayed for me too just now. Because God is holding our hands. 

Wah, time pass so fast. I have so many testimonies to share about God's transformation in my life. I have even written a book. That was what I wanted to do to leave a legacy. I thought when I am 55 it's the end but now I am already 59. It's called Songs of Deliverance. The next chapter is not written yet. You can get the book from me or from the library. 

God hears our prayer. If you mean business, he means business. Do you know he gave his all? He cares for us. Even like the sparrow he cares for us. God is able to change me from a useless, timid, fearful and jinxed person to a winner. I am holding my hands to the victorious one. We have the victory! Amen. 

Pastor Gideon together with the Church Board praying for Pastor Pauline 
during her installation into TOP's pastoral team.