When Christians Quarrel: Resolving Conflict in the Church

Rev Gideon Lee

Before we read this passage, I want to make a disclaimer. What I'm going to say, I'm not talking about you. But on the same note the bible has said the word of God is like a mirror to us. It reflects what's actually happening in our lives. And often it points to things that has to be rectified in our lives. And sometimes we feel it when we hear the word of God. And that's the difference between a motivational talk and the word of God. God works something in our heart. I did not plan to preach this particular message this morning but it is part of a plan or series of messages I wanted to preach. Hear what the Holy Spirit is saying. That's important. 

Matthew 18:15-20

A Brother Who Sins Against You

15 “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16 But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

18 “I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.

19 “Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.”

When I read this passage I thought it was odd that it's there. Jesus was telling his disciples how to handle conflict. He was talking to his disciples, not those outside. Sometimes I thought there should not be conflicts in church right? Jesus is saying that this will happen. Sometimes Christians disagree in the congregation of believers. Sometimes they quarrel. Sometimes they hold grudges against each other. The Scripture for today says that we must never tolerate any situation in which there is a breach of personal relationship between us and another member of the Christian community.

Conflicts will happen in church but how we handle it is very important. It will determine how powerful the church is. How the world will look at us. The world handles it by going to court. How the world view us will depend on how we handle them. 

The bible says we should forgive our enemies and to pray for them. Very often we also need to forgive our friends and to pray for our friends. 

1. Put your complains into words. 

For example if I have a problem with Lin Ken. Or Lin Ken has a problem with me. For example he said he saw me take two curry puffs instead of one. He has to come and speak to me in words. Talk to him. But often, we don't talk but keep it inside us. Often there are two sides to a story. Maybe even three sides. When we talk about it, it does not become resentment. And it makes the person a grouchy person. The bible says we need to talk to the person one on one. 

The bible didn't say to write to the person. Don't SMS or write emails. But to talk face to face. When words are said the emotions are not seen. Only what's written. Talk face to face. These words can be spoken in anger or in love. And the motive is always reconciliation. 

2 Corinthians 5:18

All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation:

The objective is to reconcile. So when we talk about conflict it is about reconciliation. And not just about who's right or wrong. We may beg to defer but it does not become a problem. 

We do that in private on a personal level so that we can reconcile with one another. 

The bible teach us to sort it out with the person one to one. 

2. Take one or two others along

Many a times when we handle a problem, and the person refuses to believe, we bring two or three person who is on OUR side. The bible says two or three person who is neutral. So that they can be peacemakers. In court, you bring witnesses who is on your side but we bring peacemakers. We have a ministry of reconciliation. They are there to help in reconciliation, not to add salt or sugar. Peacemakers will be called the sons of God. 

3. Tell it to the church

Tell it to the leaders, the cell leaders. My SOP now would be if you come to me with a problem with another, I'll ask if you have spoken to the person one on one. And if this person still won't listen, the bible says treat him like a pagan or tax collector. Does it means we ostracize the person? God convicted me and asked me how did Jesus delt with pagans and tax collectors? He loved them even more. So that in that love, they may come back to God. How do we have a ministry of reconciliation if we ostracize them? 

This will be our standard procedure. Address your complain in words. Bring two or three peacemakers. Or as a last resort bring it to the church leadership. Ultimately it will be how to restore the person back into the fellowship. 

Finally, in verses 18 and 19, Jesus says we are to be united in handling conflicts. The church become powerful. When we ask as two or three, in unity, it will be done on earth as it is in heaven. God will do what you ask for. 

We will save a lot of problems if we go talk to the person who offends you one on one. The church will be strong if we do that. The fight is not here. The fight is out there. Will there be conflicts? Yes. How we handle it is important. Reconciliation. All of us are peacemakers. When we do that there will not be gossips in church. 

If we can follow these steps that the bible teach us, we will be a strong church. I purposely hold the communion at the end of the service because we need to search our hearts. If God is speaking to you about someone, make right. 

Go the Second Mile

Rev Gideon Lee

We are going to look this morning at the beatitudes. Some of the things in this passage has been misinterpreted. 

Matthew 5:38-42

Go the Second Mile

38 “ You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. ’ 39 But I tell you not to resist an evil person. But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. 40 If anyone wants to sue you and take away your tunic, let him have your cloak also. 41 And whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two. 42 Give to him who asks you, and from him who wants to borrow from you do not turn away.

The nature of man is that if you poke my eye I will poke your eye. If you break my tooth I will come back and revenge and repay. 

To become a Christian is quite easy. You just have to put your faith in Jesus and say the sinners prayer. But it is more difficult to be a Christian. 

It is not the nature of man to do what we have just read. We are more inclined to repay. God is not talking about revenge but gave us an overall idea of what it means to be a Christian. Someone who is willing to go the second mile. The extra mile. 

What does it mean to go the extra mile? It is actually already outlined in the bible. 

1 . You are willing to get worst than what you deserve. 

I have heard this many times as a pastor. Does it mean when someone slap you on the left cheek you turn the other cheek? Then you have missed what the bible say. You need to understand the Jewish culture or even the Chinese culture. 

A slap actually do not so much injure a person than as to insult a person. For the Jews, to spit on his face or to slap the person is a great insult. This is what they did to our Lord Jesus. That was the beginning to insulting him. To tell him he is a nobody. 

Matthew 26:67

Then they spat in His face and beat Him; and others struck Him with the palms of their hands,

This was what they did to Jesus. If you slap the person with the back of your hands, it is the insult of insult. The bible says if the person slapped you on the left, you are to turn the other cheek. 

What Jesus is saying is not about passive action but about revenge. As hard as it may be do not retaliate. This verse must be read hand in hand with Romans 12:19. 

Romans 12:19

Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.

If we are prone to revenge, there is no room for God to intervene in our situation. I am not saying you become a doormat or don't defend yourself. We have to demonstrate love. That is what is meant to turn the other cheek. Not only do we say we are Christians but we give room for God to work in our situation. 

When we retaliate there is a bad motive and we feel very evil. We do that and think justice but our justice cannot be like God's justice. We just want to hurt the person. When someone insults you, do not retaliate. Going the second mile is to offer love to the other person. You can say it's hard and I agree but this is what God requires of us. 

I remember a story. Remember I said we are not to be a doormat or not defend ourselves. Going the second mile means we are willing to suffer. 

2. We are willing to give more than what we are asked. 

If someone wants to sue you, in those times you can pay your fine with your clothing. Cloth was not easily available hence it was precious. And normally they would give their tunic or inner clothes. But they would never give their cloak which was the most valuable clothing which was used as a blanket to keep warm. 

Exodus 22:26-27

If you ever take your neighbor's garment as a pledge, you shall return it to him before the sun goes down. 27 For that is his only covering, it is his garment for his skin. What will he sleep in? And it will be that when he cries to Me, I will hear, for I am gracious.

Jesus is saying that we are to do more like giving him even your cloak. If what you pay is not enough, give him your cloak also. You may say this is tough man. We often just want to do what's enough. 

Like my children. When they cannot finish their food, I would say cannot. Finish your food. And they will ask me how much more. And I may ask them to eat the food and half the rice and they would draw a line on their plate. They will try to eat the minimum. 

I am treading on dangerous ground. Sometimes also our tithes. We often pay 10% but what we do is we minus our EPF our Socso and pay the balance 10%. We try to give the minimum. But God gave us the best. His only son. 

We just want to give the minimum. I give another example. A man goes to the emporium and wanted to buy perfume for his wife. The salesgirl took up a perfume worth 50 ringgit. Then he asked whether can find something less. So the salesgirl brought one that is 30 ringgit. Then he think again and ask if there is something cheaper. The girl brought something worth 10 ringgit and he ask again is there is something cheaper? The salesgirl brought him a mirror. 

God gave us his best. But how often we just wants to give the minimum. 

The Roman soldiers who carry their weapon on the road has a right to ask anyone on the road to carry his weapon and they are compelled to carry his load for one mile. So the Jews knows exactly how far is one mile. They will carry one mile and not an inch more. Jesus is saying if someone ask you to walk one mile, go the second mile. Go further than what is required. 

This is a true story. A pastor was filling petrol for his car. A truck pulled alongside the pastor's car and looked lost. He asked the pastor if he knows the address and he knew where the place was. But he also know if he gave the direction, he will not get there as there are many turns. 

How many times have you been asked directions and you sometimes try to give directions. Some people even purposely give the wrong direction. I don't understand some people. 

In this case the son said why don't you show the way. The pastor knows it would take him 20 to 25 minutes to show the way. But the pastor decided to show the way and asked the truck driver to follow him. 

After reaching the place, the truck driver was so grateful and got down to thank the pastor. The pastor then ask the driver for the time that I spent taking you here can you give me 5 minutes to share Jesus with you. The driver said that he is a Christian but his wife was just murdered and he said he knew God sent the pastor to minister to him. 

Go the second mile. 

3. Give to the one who ask you and do not turn away from the one who ask you. 

What the person asking for come from a genuine need but this verse must be read with another verse. 

Psalms 112:5

A good man deals graciously and lends;

He will guide his affairs with discretion.

Use your discretion to help the person. It is not a blank cheque. Sometimes just giving money or lending a person will not help the person. 

How often we meet people who ask for money and ask for money as they want to go home but need to buy bus ticket. So I may say we go to the bus ticketing counter to buy the ticket but the person may say no I don't want to waste your time as the queue is long. Does he want the ticket? He may just want your money. Going the second mile is like that. Help him by going the extra mile. Not just give money to get rid of the person. 

I often don't like to give money to help a person. We must go the extra mile to really help a person. 

When we do more than what is required, we go the second mile and you can be sure God's there. I say this. You go the first mile, shows that you are a slave. The one that goes the second mile, is a son. A son does more than what is required. 

Anger Management

Rev Gideon Lee

Last week I was not here so if you are wondering if your pastor has backslide, I want to say that I was in Phuket to conduct a wedding. The couple was in my youth group at my previous church. 

Matthew 5:21-26

5:25, 26pp – Lk 12:58, 59

21 “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment. ’ 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca, ’ is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool! ’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.

23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

25 “Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. 26 I tell you the truth, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.

Do not murder was referenced from the Ten Commandments. 

But Jesus said something that was shocking, he was equating anger on the same level as murder. Anger, a feeling that all of us has. How many of us never get angry? Wah, all saints here ar. How many of you got angry this morning? Or you got angry on your way to church? Someone cut in your lane and you got angry. 

But this morning, Jesus is talking about anger as murder. 

All of us get angry. Some time back in the 70's there is this mood ring. It can change colour based on the mood of the person. How it works is that it reacts based on your body temperature. So when angry your body temperature rises. All of us feels this feeling of anger. To a certain extent we do get angry. 

Why did Jesus said this? He said being angry you are in danger of hell fire. Jesus knew that anger is an outward act from the inside. How someone is so angry that he commits murder. Out of his anger the act took place. 

This morning may I suggest to you three guidelines how to keep your anger in check according to the bible. 

1. It's okay to be angry. 

Ephesians 4:26

“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,

It's okay to get angry but don't sin. Pastors also get angry. More important, don't sin when you get angry. 

Let's look at Jesus. He often got angry with the Pharisees. The famous incident happened at the temple where he overturned the tables. Jesus is not against business but these people were cheating at the temple. This is righteous anger. 

It is okay to be angry but don't sin. We should be angry when we see injustice or people being down trodden. Or when we see sin or unrighteousness. That is holy anger. 

Sometimes we need to express our anger but when we act on our anger, we may sin. How often we say things and wish we can retract. Anger not only hurts us but those around us. 

In our moment of anger we have to be careful. There was a survey done where medical students took this test. Those that score high in hostility also has a higher death rate. When a person gets angry not only his face turns red but his veins pops up. You risk getting a stroke as your blood pressure goes up. Damage done to your heart is like having high blood pressure or smoking. 

But Jesus has come to set us free. 

2. Anger needs to be resolved at the first possible opportunity. 

God says stop and do not offer your offerings until you have resolved with your adversary. This is what God requires. 

When I do marriage counselling, I often ask the couple what is the most important words in a marriage. It is not "I love you" but "I am sorry". There are times when I need some time to cool down but we need to do it as soon as possible. The longer you wait the harder it is to resolve. At the first possible opportunity, solve it. Don't drag. You have to forgive one another. 

The problem is not just anger but what happens after anger. Don't let it fester. Like a wound, it can become gangrene.  

There are these two sisters from a wealthy family. They love one another though they have fights. But something happened and they became angry with one another and stopped talking to one another. How many of you have a relative you no longer talk to. You need to settle the issue. 

These sisters became so bad that they don't want to see one another. But in the same house they cannot avoid one another so they decided to build a wall to divide the house. But the problem was that the toilet was on one side. But the sister got so angry that she prefer to go to the neighbour's toilet. But the other sister also not happy. The kitchen is on the other side. 

This went on for a while. So one of the sister had a stroke and because of her stubbornness refused to call for help and died just a few feet away from help. The other sister was so grieved and blamed herself and also died in grief. 

Some of you may be angry. Forgive. Why do you think our bibles have been confiscated. Or why a church was being evicted in Kepong? Why do you think they are burning churches? It is to cause you Christians to be angry. But very important, in your anger don't sin. But why are the Christians not retaliating? We have been at conflict with our cousins from Abrahams' time. The crusades. I am not proud of what the Christians did. The bible says love your enemies. 

3. Because anger is a spiritual issue. 

Look at what Jesus says. If you have something not right with your brother go make right before coming to God. Anger will affect your walk with God. Will affect your offerings. Jesus says go resolve this as soon as you can. Don't let the sun go down on your anger. It is a spiritual thing. 

You have to. It is a commandment. Doesn't matter if the person doesn't accept. Doesn't matter, you do it. The bible says you heap coals on the person. It means you have done your part and the responsibility is now on that person. 

Best way to combat anger is love. Forgive. Let go. Often the things we fight about are small issues. I have seen a church split because of where to put the Christmas tree. Right side or left side. Sometimes we even forgot what we were angry about but still angry. 

The bible says in our anger don't sin. Settle the issue as soon as possible. And that anger is a spiritual issue. Your walk with God will be compromised.

I end with this story. 

There was once this famous psychologist. In a taxi going for his appointment a car came and crashed into the taxi that this guy was in. Thank God no one was hurt. The guy came out of his car and shouted obscenity at the taxi driver. The taxi driver just smiled at him and did not get angry but just smiled. He told the guy it's okay. He got back in and the psychologist said "I noticed you did not get angry". The taxi driver said there are many angry people out there because of what is happening in their life but you don't have to let them affect you. 

You cannot stop the birds from flying over you but you can stop them from landing on your head. We don't have to get angry. 

When I read the beatitudes I realise how far I have fallen short. I realised I have not reached this level and have fallen short. I have not yet arrive. Make me more and more like you. I need you.